


Seijou Maid Cafe

by miyaji_08



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Maid Cafe, cultural festival, everyone just wants to cuddle him to death, kunimi is a babe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-11
Updated: 2016-03-11
Packaged: 2018-05-26 03:34:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,060
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6222034
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miyaji_08/pseuds/miyaji_08
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Aoba Johsai cuts sports funding in favor of sending the choir to an international competition. They had to find a way to compensate.</p><p>Or: the girl’s team runs one short on maids. The result may or may not be life changing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Seijou Maid Cafe

**Author's Note:**

> Ahh...I just thought of this last night and wanted to type it up quickly! If you like this, please check out my works page in a week or so, I'll have up a big poly fic that you might like!
> 
> Please remember to leave a comment/kudos/bookmark if you enjoyed! They are very much appreciated :)

As a captain, it’s Oikawa’s job to take care of his teammates. He makes sure Hana and Matsu don’t hole up in their special little group of two, and that Kyotani doesn’t rip everyone’s heads off. When Yahaba doubts himself Oikawa’s there, and he even showed up once to Kindaichi’s house when the first year had a minor freak-out about grades (Oikawa doesn’t brag about it, but his are pretty stellar). Iwaizumi doesn’t really need taking care of, but if he did Oikawa would certainly be there.

As a captain, it’s also Oikawa’s job to cut their losses. So when one of the girls drags a struggling Kunimi away for reasons unknown, Oikawa waves goodbye and recites a little eulogy in his head. _You were a good kohai, Kunimi-chan_ , he thinks.

That’s not what he’s thinking twenty minutes later. Twenty minutes later he’s not thinking anything at all—and neither is anyone else in the clubroom-turned-cafe that has now become the campus hotspot.

“Oh my god.” Hanamaki and Matsukawa deadpan at the same time. 

Kindaichi drops the tray he’s holding (luckily, it’s empty).

“ _No_ ,” Iwaizumi says, sounding like a protective dad as he goes to confront the captain of the women’s team. She looks proud of herself—she _should_ be proud of herself. At least Oikawa thinks so. Which is why he grabs the back of Iwaizumi’s nice white shirt to stop him.

“Oikawa.” Iwaizumi hisses, scandalized. “It barely fits him!”

Oikawa shakes his head, eyes wide. Honestly, it shouldn’t fit anyone, let alone a high school boy. But somehow Sakura, the genius ace spiker she is, has managed it.

Standing before them in all his genderbent glory is Kunimi. Even avoiding the clothing, he looks different. His skin is paler and his eyelashes are curled; there’s a swipe of eyeliner on each eye, smooth and elegant, that’s thick enough to make his eyes seem wider but not so thick or long as to be too noticeable. In fact, if Oikawa didn’t have the eyes he does, he probably wouldn’t have noticed it at all. Kunimi’s lips have always been soft looking, but now they’re softer and fuller in both color and shape—he’s biting it nervously, which explains that.

And his hair. Oikawa doesn’t know if they used a wig or not, or perhaps extensions, but no part of Kunimi’s hair looks fake, at all. It looks soft and silky and natural, flowing just past his shoulder blades. 

The dress is closer to lolita, but a simpler version of the style. It’s the classic french maid look, though the black has been substituted for Sejou’s light turquoise. He’s even wearing white thigh-highs and white chunky kitten heels. He looks adorable, even more so than any girl or boy Oikawa’s ever seen, and it adds to the appeal that he’s their kouhai. Oikawa’s mouth is getting dry just thinking about Kunimi calling him Oikawa-senpai.

Even Kyoutani is speechless.

“K-Kunimi-kun,” Yahaba stutters, “let’s go work rotation A.”

The students seated in section A visibly perk up and just as quickly as they became stunned, Hanamaki and Matsukawa’s expressions become dark and menacing. Kunimi doesn’t seem to notice, though that could just be his general lack of facial expression.

“I swear to god,” Iwaizumi mutters, shaking his head as they all move back to their work stations. Sakura looks particularly smug.

Oikawa blinks, still a bit dazed. “…Maybe this will be a good thing,” he says uncertainly. 

“Doubt it.” Kyoutani snorts.

“Well, just because— _oh my god!_ ” Oikawa’s voice jumps ten octaves. If Iwaizumi’s ears weren’t in so much pain he’d be impressed. “Iwa-chan, they’re oogling him!”

That gets his attention. He follows Oikawa’s gaze to a table of three senior guys, all wearing interested but ultimately harmless gazes. One of them seems to be getting pushed around by the other three every time Kunimi brushes past their table.

“Oh,” Kunimi mumbles as a little candy heart spills from his tray. He pauses by the table and almost bends down to grab it before realizing he’s in a skirt.

“J-just remember that it’s Kunimi,” Hanamaki stutters to Matsukawa as their eyes catch at the strip of upper thigh revealed when the underclassman’s waist bends. “This is the kid that skipped morning laps to sleep in the corner of the locker room.”

“He’s also the kid that falls asleep on our shoulders when he gets tired during tournaments,” Matsukawa reminds him.

“That’s not helping!”

Iwaizumi groans. As strange as it is, he gets where they’re coming from. His heart jumps every time he looks at Kunimi in a way different from how it does with Oikawa. It makes him want to bundle Kunimi up in a futon and snuggle him to death, or bring him home and make him eat too much homecooked food, or—

“Aww, Iwa-chan, are your mothering instincts acting up?” Oikawa teases.

“Shuddup, Trashykawa.” 

“Mean!”

“Well—“ They both fall silent again as Kunimi instead bends his knees to pick up the candy. Just as he gets low enough he looks up at the boys sitting at the table, batting his long eyelashes, and asks if he’s bothering them.

Two of the boys are on the verge of tears they’re laughing so hard, and the third one is trying to calm the last one, who looks close to passing out from embarrassment, down.

“Tch,” Kyoutani scoffs and walks over to the table. “Stop bothering our maids.” He growls lowly, glaring at the boys each in turn. Then he yanks Kunimi to his feet with a hand firmly gripping the first-year’s arm, and pulls him back to the front of the cafe.

“Kunimi-chan, don’t play with boys hearts like that!” Hanamaki cries, hugging the younger boy to his chest when he’s within reach. “You’ll put your virtue in danger!” Kyoutani rolls his eyes and grunts as he leaves to help Yahaba.

“Senpai, I don’t have any virtue.” Kunimi replies carelessly. For the second time in ten minutes, every member of the first string freezes. If Oikawa weren’t so shocked himself he’d be laughing himself silly at Hana and Matsu’s twin expressions of shock.

“Who?” Iwaizumi grinds out, a fierce look in his eyes. “ _Who?_ ”

“Kunimi-channnn~my daughter’s innocence has been stolen!” Oikawa sobs.

Kunimi sighs as Hanamaki tightens the hug and quietly wails about lost virtue and poor, unsuspecting freshman. “Sakura-senpai paid me five dollars to say that.” He mumbles into Hanamaki’s chest.

Third time in ten minutes that everyone freezes, and counting.

“Oh thank god!” Oikawa fake-sobs, dragging Kunimi out of Hanamaki’s clutches and into his own. “Kunimi-chan, don’t scare your parents like that!”

“You’re not my parents.”

“Kunimi, I get that she paid you but please, just—just don’t do that again.” Iwaizumi says. He doesn’t think his heart can take much more than this.

Suddenly Kunimi’s squirming around in Oikawa’s arms, turning until he’s nearly face-to-face with Iwaizumi—or, he would be if he were tall enough. He blinks up at his senpai through chocolate brown eyes and says:

“I’m sorry, senpai. Please don’t be made at me.”

In the background, Hanamaki staggers back and clutches at his chest, swooning from the cuteness. Matsukawa is supporting his friend but even he looks worse for wear.

Yahaba and Kyoutani choose this moment to give up on trying to work. Yahaba is too much of a rotten apple to be affected by cute things, at least not in such a superficial package (the same couldn’t be said for when Kunimi gets sleepy on bus rides and falls asleep on Yahaba’s lap). Since their meeting Kyoutani’s only had eyes for Yahaba, so that’s that.

“Get it together,” Yahaba says. It’s uncharacteristic of him to speak that way to his senpai, but then they realize and whip around.

Kindaichi is leaning against the wall for support, beet red and looking on the verge of hysteria. He might actually be crying, now that they all take a closer look.

“I—I—“ Kindaichi stutters. He isn’t handling the weight of his teammates’ gazes well, feeling himself crumble under the pressure. “I—“

He runs out, one hand pinching his nose, the other throwing open the classroom door as he escapes. They’ve never seen him look more humiliated.

Oikawa swallows. Time to do damage control.

“Kunimi-chan, as amusing as this is, we have a job to do.” He whispers in his kohai’s ear. Although to be honest, he’s never been more proud of the little player who in many cases hides his devious side. “So let’s serve our customers together on rotation D. Okay?”

“Okay,” Kunimi says obediently, the little bastard.

Things go on with little interference for at least an hour after that. The sun still has a few hours left in the sky and students are starting to dwindle to the buses or other activities as the afternoon regulars drift in.

Oikawa was foolish to think that this would be the end of their problems.

“Get out.” He says flatly.

“Aww, is that any way to treat your customers?” Bokuto pouts; his underclassman setter is squeezed under his arm. Behind him, Kuroo, Ushijima, Terushima, and Daichi are glancing around the cafe.

“Fine. Sit down in any rotation A—“

“Actually, I’m feeling more like section D today,” Kuroo hums with a smirk. “I’ve been hearing good things about that one.”

Oikawa thinks about sparing them. After all, they obviously don’t know what they’re getting into. He hopes none of them have high blood pressure and silently pleads that Daichi be saved. Ushijima, though, can rot in volleyball hell.

“No offense, but we’ll have the _other_ server,” Kuroo says to Oikawa once they’re seated.

He too can go rot in hell.

“Five says they won’t make it through their appetizers,” Hanamaki mutters to Matsukawa from their own section.

“Ten says they don’t make it past tea.”

They fist bump.

“Oi,” Bokuto hollers, though he really doesn’t mean anything by it. “Could we order now? We’re ready!”

As if on cue, Kunimi appears. He gazes down at Bokuto through wide, pretty eyes and blinks slowly. Everyone around can tell he’s getting sleepy, with the way he speaks slowly and sometimes tugs at his senpai’s shirts to get them to cover his tables.

“I’m sorry for the wait,” he says in a soft, sleepy voice. “Please don’t be mad, senpai.”

The first string watches with bated breath. They aren’t disappointed.

Even Ushijima is affected—he blushes immediately and averts his eyes to the menu. Terushima’s jaw drops and he glances around as if expecting it to be a prank, and Akaashi’s eyes widen in surprise. Daichi turns bright red and hides his hands under the table in a nervous tick. Kuroo looks like he’s reached nirvana.

“Ahahaha! You’re so cute!” Bokuto exclaims, reaching forward and petting Kunimi’s head. “That’s okay, though! Our cultural festival’s next week and I’ve already seen Akaashi in a maid outfit twice! I’m immune now!”

“I don’t know what you—“

Kunimi’s interrupted as Bokuto rattles off a list of what they’ll all be having. Blinking slowly, the underclassman tries to keep up. By the end he looks even more tired than before. He pouts at the big order and maintains the expression even as he serves the last of the other tables and returns to theirs with two full trays.

“Please enjoy.” He says in monotone, and Oikawa laughs a little as he approaches them, standing next to Kunimi.

“Aww, did they wear you out, Kunimi-chan?” He coos, trusting his little decoy to deliver the final blow.

The occupants of the table watch as Kunimi wordlessly turns and walks forward, not stopping until he’s pressed into Oikawa’s chest. His arms circle around Oikawa’s back and fist his nice shirt and he makes a muffled, sleepy whine.

Oikawa has to work really hard not to laugh as he wraps one arm around Kunimi to draw him closer and uses his free hand to pet the back of Kunimi’s head.

“Please be more gentle with him in the future,” he says suavely to the table, and whisks his baby away.

Kuroo’s tea is on his lap; Daichi’s never left the table. Ushijima looks scarred for life, and Akaashi tiredly attempts to revive his ace. Terushima will leave questioning everything he thought he knew about his sexuality.

Oikawa can’t help hugging Kunimi tighter. He’s never been more proud.


End file.
